Realization

I just had a realization: that in the Twilight Saga, in the books literary works are referenced to

and the one is Wuthering Heights and they contrast Catherine Earnshaw Linton to Bella and Edgar Linton to Edward and Heathcliff to Jacob. I find this funny because her love for Edgar is skin and wallet deep but her love for Heathcliff is deep and they are soul mates. The other is Romeo and Juliet and Juliet, Romeo and Paris compared to the same three and in that one there is no love between Juliet and Paris and Paris even gets killed, so I find this funny.

turns out

as it is

he doesn't like me, just stares at me a lot

so im glad i spared myself the embarrassment of asking

so the lesson learned is
wait for the frikin guy to ask me

scared

i am a coward right now
i like this guy but absolutely do not have the "lady balls" to do anything about it
so my friends tease me about it because i like someone in a non carnal way and he is very nice, a little to old but nice
so now i wait for a mediator friend to ask if he likes me
considering he takes every spare moment to stare at me, i'm thinking its a yes
so lets commence the waiting

mom

     There once was a mother who cared more about her daughters teeth being brushed, face bring washed and her grades being good. Yes, that is my mother. Stalks me on face book and twitter…the only thing I have that she doesn’t know about is this; my one space in the world where I can say whatever I want without her breathing down my neck. Everyone needs space and I do not think she understands that at all. She cares more about my physical appearance health, than my actual physical health, and mental health. I could cut my arms and almost die and she would not know, if she did she would not investigate why or seek help. She would most likely be mad or scold me and watch me and nag me more.

     My dad did not even believe me when I told him that she cried when we bought a homecoming dress, thus why I bought this years without her. That and she, makes me dress more conservative than a nun and I already dress modestly. I rarely show skin and I always wear a size or two larger than I am, especially at school. So my point is she needs to leave me alone and let me live my life and have a life. Or I promise I will not come home after high school.

guys who don't get it

There is this guy…

I know that sounds like I’m starting a romantic comedy but it is soooo not

The first time I can remember him in my acquaintance I see my group of friends hanging out and he is calling me a freshmen and semi out casting me. Not a bright note…

Then I remember me being single and being loose friends with this person. Then I remember me saying no to the Holy Grail (justly named because you think he is amazing until you see the hollow empty inside) then next year I said yes to the guy, to shut him up cuz he kept asking. Bad idea…

Then two weeks later its null and I thought that was the end of it with a little bit of awkwardness. But no then he joins choir so I always have a class with him. The subject comes up a lot…

Then I say yes the Holy Grail guy and become friends with this guy. all is good except I notice that I get attention from this guy, then Holy Grail guy tells me that all the while this guy still likes me and that he dated me anyway. Oh they are neighbors and good friends ….yay…ugh

Holy Grail dumps me even though it should be other way around

So this past summer this guy and I nicely text, and we go to see one movie as friends…Apparently not…

Later on he asks me out and I say no, and to homecoming and I say no again…not getting the picture

This past month I did some late night teasing texts just kidding around and then days later he bursts out that he passionately loves me and lists all like 7paged text of all the reasons why.And even after I say no, he still posts on face book “So worried about her that i can't sleep, i'ma wait til she wakes up saying im ok...” and others like that

So what I’m opening up is that I do not want to hurt him, I just hope that he will get over me. Cuz I can’t take it anymore knowing that the guys who spend all of their time thinking of me are not the ones I want doing that.

breath

breath

sometimes take a moment to be alone

maybe a bath is silence, with calming background music, light or dark

or maybe sit outside….only in quiet wilderness of some sort or go on a walk

and during this relaxing time …do not think about all the things you must do but instead think of yourself, how you are feeling and how serene and calm and at peace you feel

remember to be 100% comfortable and take slow calming breaths

all this can be the difference between a completely stressed person and a person who can be stressed but somehow keep an air of sanity

not good enough

"No one can make you feel inferior without your consent."

Eleanor Roosevelt

This quote is very true, people will try. Some just say look ahead and be the better person, others just ignore it. I say beat them. The people belittling you only do it to make themselves feel better about themselves, or they do it because they envy or feel threatened by you. In that case, the thing to do is just do your best then out shine them. However never let the words they say ever get to you or in your head, because they will stay and haunt you. Just use it as a reason to do even better, never as a put down because if you let it bother you…it will. Remember you are the better person and to never sink to their level of emotional immaturity.